I’m gonna write the Declaration of Independence.– Thomas Jefferson Cage (via wienerbutt)
Dave is the best parent
Dave: li'l bro sit down
Dirk: What's up bro?
Dave: listen, man, last night i came home a little earlier than usual and...i saw you masturbating in your room. you want to talk about it?
Dirk: I guess you can say I was
Dirk: Dirking off.
Dave: holy jesus
Dave: forget talking we're going out for fucking ice cream